Maybe I need a girlfriend

I hate work days like this where several different individuals want something from me and none are happy with the results they're getting. My company is unique; capable of doing incredible things but we definitely march to the beat of a different drummer. Actually we don't march at all. We are successful in spite of ourselves; a band of misfits. Zero structure, no management chain, no meetings, no employee performance reviews, no starting or quitting time. The owner has no interest in being a businessman, meeting with the customers, doing CEO type stuff. Is why he has me. He has all the money he needs so isn't interested in implementing anything new to improve margins or performance. My largest customer is a company I worked for prior to coming here, huge company, very structured and pompous with twice as many people as they need. And here we have half as many as we need. You just come in and work your 8 or 9 or 10 hours and you can pretty much pick your starting time..........except for me and a couple of other people who have to open the place for business and field all the customer calls and demands that start first thing in the morning. I'm the first line of defense and have become quite creative at spin doctoring and presentation. I got a huge increase to come here over 3 years ago and people at my old company know that and it really pisses some of them off. People who used to work for me get to order me around and I suppose they get some satisfaction from that. I was always on the procurement side there and it's difficult sometimes to keep the customer is always right attitude like a good marketing person needs to. Once in awhile I tell them how fucked up they are but I tell them in a nice way. Actually I had a girlfriend up until a few months ago (subject change) but I did my disappearing act once again. It's not that I am afraid of commitment (really it's not). I just have gotten so used to this independence thing, my life my way, that I get freaked at the prospect of losing it. Ten years of doing as I please most of the time and enough family/kid stuff there to make me feel like I'm not completely a selfish bastard. In the past 3 years or so I have dated several terrific women, none of whom really rang my bell like I want it rung (maybe I am a selfish bastard). Successful, bright, attractive women. Sometimes three or four dates, sometimes a couple of months, sometimes sexual sometimes not. Two different stints with this last one; it's like I know I should be happy with her but I've been so unfair with her with my in and out act. Maybe I just need to have sex. I've been less sexually active the past two years than at any period of my adult life and sometimes I think it should bother me more. I think maybe having as much experience as I have had makes me too content. I think I'm due to be restless. I do love sex, yes I do. This blog is lacking in focus don't you think? I think sex would help with the focus thing.