You're Nuts

Almost certainly you are. I admitted to craziness yesterday, prescient that I am, having no idea that this stunning finding was going to be released today. More than half of Americans will develop a mental illness at some point in their lives? You don't say. I see hands raised there in the back. How do we know this for certain Edge, you ask. Why a $20 million survey I tell ya, that's how we know, not only government financed but receiving "some" support from health research foundations and are you ready for this? Pharmaceutical companies. Well fuck me. Aint America grand. Where else would the makers of paxil and proazac and wellbutrin be more than willing to chuck in a few bucks to help determine my sanity? Er....not mine, I'm self diagnosed looney tunes, but yours and your kids and your uncle who wears your aunt's panties, bunch a freakin nutcases you are. Least I'm in good company.

"Researchers" found the most common problem to be depression. Huh. And what about phobias you say? As you would expect....fucking running rampant and amok (I love to say amok but I think it should be the name of some hairy wildebeest thing but thats just a phobia of mine, making shit up) phobias are. Like Social Phobia. I think that's a fear of dating or that dream where you're naked in public. For me, it's no dream.

Mood disorders? No way. What's with you people? Your moods get disordered? You must be ordering your moods from the wrong place. I get mine online at like a Moodflix site.

Impulse control problems. Raises my hand and waves it proudly. I want that one named after me cause I am the champion. I just don't control them. It's made for some really fun times, crazy of course, but damn fine fun.

I'm afraid the makers of erectile dysfunction drugs are going to fund a survey about my tumescence (hard on for those of you with a big word phobia). Wonder what they'll come up with? My guess is that I'm only one of ten or fifteen men nationwide not needing chemical assistance to achieve swelldom and engorgement. Shit, I know they're gonna do the hair fall out study. The people who make the crap that won't grow it back but people buy it anyway. I'm fucked there.

Why didn't they take the $20 million and research a drug that will make my social phobias disappear, grow hair on my head, keep (notice I said keep, as in continue to) my turgid maleness turgid, and prevent me from ever becoming depressed?

Cause they're fuckin' nuts I tell ya. Just sayin'.

OK, I'm done now. I hate when I do this. Shoulda sex posted when I woke up without erectile dysfunction.