To do or not to do

I always have a mental list, sometimes partially written, of all the things I need to do. Not like a goals and aspirations list, much more basic than that. Stuff I gotta do. There's got to, and need to and then want to. Sometimes want to creeps up and surpasses some of the gots and needs because of my addiction to immediate gratification. Why put off enjoyment til tomorrow if you can be instantly gratified today? I'm selfish like that. This....*pointing to my blog*, and you, up there, are on my want list and while you are interfering with my progress on my to do list....... I just pretend you're part of the gotta do stuff and the guilt just dissipates into thin air. I actually feel a sense of accomplishment when it's a gotta do thing.

Point being, my damn list is out of control and if I was a Franklin Planner Geekoid (no offense to those of you who are) I would spend a considerable amount of time just carrying undone tasks forward. Don't you hate your list of need to's? It's stress man, they sit there smoldering in your mind and when you don't get them done by the time you should have or your deadline is approaching you do one of those mental (and sometimes outloud) "damn, I gotta....write that check, report to my probation officer, buy her a birthday present, leave my wife, put the dog to sleep, have sex. Damn, I gotta do that. Fuck. That's usually about the time someone comes along with a reminder........"hey, you gotta........when you gonna? The need to's are just as bad. I need to eat better, need to stop masturbating so much or maybe start doing it more often. I need to get rid of this fucking list is what I need to do. The worst ones start with "if you don't"..........ack, ramifications, not good ones either. If you don't see the doctor you might lose that leg. You delay some things too long and you got late fees and they aren't always paid in currency. Stress.....to do list. I hate it. Sometimes I wish I had the balls to simplify. But you have to get selfless first to pull that off. Get rid of some stuff. Stuff adds to your to do list. Have to change the damn oil on my stuff. Lube it, feed it, rub it's back. Demanding fucking stuff aint it? Your to do list is directly proportionate to the amount of stuff you have. I should get rid of some of this stuff, right, that'll happen. Someday though......off the grid, just me and an old airstream somewhere and maybe an AM radio, my favorite hat, coupla pair of jeans and some good boots. And a good woman maybe.

So much for simplifying.