Goin Down the Road Feelin' Bad
Brought to you by the letter Y and the color blue.
To the title, the bold line up there, one of my favorite traditional Grateful Dead songs when experienced live......well, you had to be there. So I'm watching Grapes of Wrath a few years ago, Henry Fonda, 1939 I think (same year as Gone with the Wind and no I wasn't at the premiers) and all of a sudden Tom Joad's brother, Tom being played by Henry, strums a guitar and breaks into "Goin down the Road". I believe I was under the influence of something or someone and I remember my smile........I don't smile easily but I do smile well. But I digress, I think it's the vodka......
So now I took my stab at categorization, missed some no doubt, but it was a high level outline, you can drill down. Now the hard stuff..........the Y's.....oh the Y's of diminished and failed relationships.
Let me begin with a prologue of sorts. I am by genetics and who knows what else, prone to a depressive personality. I've suffered it, been medicated for it, known it, have been haunted by it, have grown from it. Depression and growth? Ponder that one, late at night, it breeds creativity doesn't it, look at the masters Sylvia Plath, Poe, Dylan Thomas, Pollack, Jim Morrison, ad infinitum but that is something else entirely and for another time perhaps. Only reason I stopped suffering my addictive personality sorry outlook on life bitter ass was my brush with having no life left to live which to me, very clearly, is way down the list from the worst this life has to offer. There may be those who disagree but those of you who do........you better call me when it's that bad because I have the right to talk you into life, I do, at least try and I am one persuasive, stubborn fuck, ask around. No melodrama intended, it just is, it defines me now, what can I say. It was all gone and I got it back and watch me fight to keep it. End of disclaimers but I've only just begun with the editorial commentary. I'm like that.
My theory on attraction. I think that each of us know where we stand on the attraction scale, the who would want me and who do I want spectrum analysis. Let's call it a one to twenty scale with Nicole Kidman being a twenty and the homeless bag lady downtown being a one. With me here? Now, wherever you fall on this scale, you have a range of attractibility that is acceptable to you. Let's say you are a ten, not a head turner but damn cute with attributes out the ass you cute shit you. You would be attracted to something like seven through thirteen of the opposite sex. Don't argue about the numbers with me here, it's a model, OK? How many times have I read, heard, from women especially, that looks aren't important, it's what's inside that counts? Nice try. A million dorky nice dudes who have a world to offer will tell you, along with me, that you're full of shit. If you fall into my range it's true, not otherwise. You fall out of my range......seven through thirteen.....I don't care you got the Nobel Peace Prize or are Mother Teresa, sorry, I have to meet a friend at Denny's and then do a paint ball thing, nice to meet you.
To further advance my theory, and I'm gonna throw this in here, I think men are in charge of quantity and women have quality control of the breeding attribute which is what this is all about despite you thinking it's more concerned with what you get for Valentine's Day, it aint, nope, it's about procreation, tis, I'm tellin ya. So, to further advance my theory, if you've picked someone outside your attractiveness scale.....leave, save yourself the pain, it's doomed. Me and Charlize Theron? Much as I'd love to make it work and as hard as I'd try to be what she wants me to be....aint gonna last.....It would be one night of me making her scream my name and then it would go downhill from there.........hey, I'm all about realism....I couldn't hold her more than a couple weeks. I know that.
You're a seven, your heart pitter patterer is a twelve? Careful, I wouldn't sign a lease or make plans for a fall vacation. But, for the sake of argument, let's say you both are tens. And while the numbers are attraction based, all that other stuff, intelligence, compatibility, values, who gets to tie up whom, how many kids do we want.......important stuff too, I don't mean to diminish that stuff but you're lying if you say that stuff is enough, it aint, you gotta hit the attraction scale......fight me on that one, go ahead.
So let's say we've got two solid tens........and everything falls into sync...........aint love grand? That was a wonderful wedding wasn't it or a wonderful beginning and see how they live together and all their laundry is in the same pile and they use kleenex from the same box and don't wear makeup and don't shave and whine cause that's what we do and bitch and moan cause we do that too and the job sucks and the pressures, fuck the pressures, and if there are kids........well you know what that brings......why do you do that? If you didn't we would be fine and do you think there is something to Familiarity Breeds Contempt? I've seen you sick pitiful grouchy miserable at your worst and how come it's different now from the beginning when it was grand and we're both tens what's wrong with us or do you have your eye on that little eleven bitch next door? And we say things, horrible things, and we do things, and we say, let's forgive and forget but we don't do we? They fester. They don't leave. And things like that, you don't come back from, you say you can, we can, but you don't. You can't, and I don't mean to be fatalistic but I'm drawing from experience here and if you go too far you can't get back , you can't so you enter fantasy realm or go out and look and no one has bad breath in a fantasy do they?
The answer? The solution? .......like I would know. I tell my daughters, you don't wanna come here for relationship advice and they say Dad, we've learned alot from you.
You don't have to shine to be an example.
And we keep trying, keep going for it because it's delectable when it's right and good isn't it and we have to believe it's possible and it is because it happens, it can be magic, and ten failures are worth finding the one, that one, and we all know that one is out there and I'll never stop looking until I find her how about you?
To the title, the bold line up there, one of my favorite traditional Grateful Dead songs when experienced live......well, you had to be there. So I'm watching Grapes of Wrath a few years ago, Henry Fonda, 1939 I think (same year as Gone with the Wind and no I wasn't at the premiers) and all of a sudden Tom Joad's brother, Tom being played by Henry, strums a guitar and breaks into "Goin down the Road". I believe I was under the influence of something or someone and I remember my smile........I don't smile easily but I do smile well. But I digress, I think it's the vodka......
So now I took my stab at categorization, missed some no doubt, but it was a high level outline, you can drill down. Now the hard stuff..........the Y's.....oh the Y's of diminished and failed relationships.
Let me begin with a prologue of sorts. I am by genetics and who knows what else, prone to a depressive personality. I've suffered it, been medicated for it, known it, have been haunted by it, have grown from it. Depression and growth? Ponder that one, late at night, it breeds creativity doesn't it, look at the masters Sylvia Plath, Poe, Dylan Thomas, Pollack, Jim Morrison, ad infinitum but that is something else entirely and for another time perhaps. Only reason I stopped suffering my addictive personality sorry outlook on life bitter ass was my brush with having no life left to live which to me, very clearly, is way down the list from the worst this life has to offer. There may be those who disagree but those of you who do........you better call me when it's that bad because I have the right to talk you into life, I do, at least try and I am one persuasive, stubborn fuck, ask around. No melodrama intended, it just is, it defines me now, what can I say. It was all gone and I got it back and watch me fight to keep it. End of disclaimers but I've only just begun with the editorial commentary. I'm like that.
My theory on attraction. I think that each of us know where we stand on the attraction scale, the who would want me and who do I want spectrum analysis. Let's call it a one to twenty scale with Nicole Kidman being a twenty and the homeless bag lady downtown being a one. With me here? Now, wherever you fall on this scale, you have a range of attractibility that is acceptable to you. Let's say you are a ten, not a head turner but damn cute with attributes out the ass you cute shit you. You would be attracted to something like seven through thirteen of the opposite sex. Don't argue about the numbers with me here, it's a model, OK? How many times have I read, heard, from women especially, that looks aren't important, it's what's inside that counts? Nice try. A million dorky nice dudes who have a world to offer will tell you, along with me, that you're full of shit. If you fall into my range it's true, not otherwise. You fall out of my range......seven through thirteen.....I don't care you got the Nobel Peace Prize or are Mother Teresa, sorry, I have to meet a friend at Denny's and then do a paint ball thing, nice to meet you.
To further advance my theory, and I'm gonna throw this in here, I think men are in charge of quantity and women have quality control of the breeding attribute which is what this is all about despite you thinking it's more concerned with what you get for Valentine's Day, it aint, nope, it's about procreation, tis, I'm tellin ya. So, to further advance my theory, if you've picked someone outside your attractiveness scale.....leave, save yourself the pain, it's doomed. Me and Charlize Theron? Much as I'd love to make it work and as hard as I'd try to be what she wants me to be....aint gonna last.....It would be one night of me making her scream my name and then it would go downhill from there.........hey, I'm all about realism....I couldn't hold her more than a couple weeks. I know that.
You're a seven, your heart pitter patterer is a twelve? Careful, I wouldn't sign a lease or make plans for a fall vacation. But, for the sake of argument, let's say you both are tens. And while the numbers are attraction based, all that other stuff, intelligence, compatibility, values, who gets to tie up whom, how many kids do we want.......important stuff too, I don't mean to diminish that stuff but you're lying if you say that stuff is enough, it aint, you gotta hit the attraction scale......fight me on that one, go ahead.
So let's say we've got two solid tens........and everything falls into sync...........aint love grand? That was a wonderful wedding wasn't it or a wonderful beginning and see how they live together and all their laundry is in the same pile and they use kleenex from the same box and don't wear makeup and don't shave and whine cause that's what we do and bitch and moan cause we do that too and the job sucks and the pressures, fuck the pressures, and if there are kids........well you know what that brings......why do you do that? If you didn't we would be fine and do you think there is something to Familiarity Breeds Contempt? I've seen you sick pitiful grouchy miserable at your worst and how come it's different now from the beginning when it was grand and we're both tens what's wrong with us or do you have your eye on that little eleven bitch next door? And we say things, horrible things, and we do things, and we say, let's forgive and forget but we don't do we? They fester. They don't leave. And things like that, you don't come back from, you say you can, we can, but you don't. You can't, and I don't mean to be fatalistic but I'm drawing from experience here and if you go too far you can't get back , you can't so you enter fantasy realm or go out and look and no one has bad breath in a fantasy do they?
The answer? The solution? .......like I would know. I tell my daughters, you don't wanna come here for relationship advice and they say Dad, we've learned alot from you.
You don't have to shine to be an example.
And we keep trying, keep going for it because it's delectable when it's right and good isn't it and we have to believe it's possible and it is because it happens, it can be magic, and ten failures are worth finding the one, that one, and we all know that one is out there and I'll never stop looking until I find her how about you?
posted by Edge | 7:33 PM
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