More, cause I need to give more of myself here like you all do and it's easier to do like this for some reason

• I'm the elder statesman here, by far
• That's my insecurity, that I'm aging so fast and the outside shows it so much even if nothing is aging on the inside
  
• But my confidence and sense of self worth almost make up for it
• I get sad when I read of your insecurities and it makes me want to take your chin in my hand and say no, no, you're worthy, you are, look at you and what you are and what you do.
  
• I sometimes wonder if I am going to end up alone by not taking advantage of the relationship opportunities I've had the past three years
  
• I'm not so sure that would be a bad thing
• I can easily have a problem with alcohol if I'm not careful
• I had a bizarre DUI ten years ago and it all but ruined my life for a year. It came at the same time I was metorically rising in my career. I was scared to death of being found out.
• Once a month I would leave the fifty or so people who reported to me to drive downtown to wait with my fellow criminals to report to my probation officer who talked to me like I was a thug.
• Once a week for six months I reported to a court ordered alcohol abuse program where I quickly realized if I didn't admit to alcoholism I would never "graduate" Hi, my name is Edge and I'm a worthless piece of shit. Please fix me. God was there too. He's one of the twelve steps.
• I finished up my four days of court ordered community service picking up trash in parks the day before I left the country for three months in Israel to help set up a supplier who was owned by the Israeli Military Institute.
  
• The first week I was there, I was asked to report to the American Embassy and to "check in" each week to "brief" them on the goings ons at the company I visited every day. Activity levels etc. This company was a major producer of weaponry and tank components. Nothing ever was put in writing and they assigned a very attractive woman to brief me each week, same one every time. I think she was supposed to loosen my tongue.
• I was flat broke from pending divorce, two daughters in college, and my year in justice system hell so I gave up my apartment, sold my car, sold my worthless furniture, stored the rest and lived in hotels and on expense account for the next year. My entire paycheck went toward debt.
• I got out of debt very quickly.
• I loved every minute of being in the Mid East. I loved the history, the danger, the intrigue, the freedom from the previous years shackles.
  
• Every weekend that I didn't take a road trip or wasn't walking the promenade on the Mediteranean I would spend at the pool at the Tel Aviv Sheraton with headphones, cool drinks, and topless sunbathers all around, European tourists, flight attendants, but never the Israeli girls, never.
• I watched the bomb squad blow a suitcase robotically that was mistakenly left in the hotel drive up entry by a Belgian businessman. His clothes were raining down like confetti just as he returned realizing he had forgotten it when he got out of the taxi. I bought him a drink and told him where the mall was.
• Enough of that, I'm more poker faced than expressive and I rarely laugh loudly even though I find humor in many places.
• The only other time I have been incarcerated (see DUI above) was when I was supposed to be the designated driver at a friends bachelor party but told him I was too drunk to drive, forcing him behind the wheel. He was immediately stopped and handcuffed. The officer woke me up, told me he was going to charge me with public intoxication, and when I said it wasn't public til you got here, I was immediately handcuffed. I would be much more diplomatic if this situation were to again arise. I'm nothing if not a quick study.
  
• His wife, whom I didn't like anyway, refused to let him hang around me, ever. When he listened to her I didn't want to hang with him anyway.
• Many years later at the wedding of another friend she asked me to dance, told me she hated me, and then kissed me. Wacko. I might have pursued her just for grins but I felt bad since I had sex with his first wife. That would just have been wrong. Even I have my limits
  
• I think I'm doing this because I didn't expect to have computer access this weekend and I feel the need to give something back to the community.
  
• I tell you I'm old?