I'm exercising.....in futility

Sometimes you just can't be enough........here.....maybe everywhere, anywhere, but especially here, where you can't hear a gasp, see a smile, hold a catch of breath. I feel like that a lot, like I can't be enough. I know what I am, oh I know, I'm a void filler. You got gaps, I can fill them. Something you need, I got it. I think that may be what I do best, find your needs, and fulfill them. It's no coincedence that those I mean most to already have someone. I'm so good at gap analysis, a fucking wonder boy at it. One on one, just you and me, I would most likely fall flat on my face. I have a track record you know. But, oh, I'm fucking good here, filling your gaps. It isn't enough, here, it's good, important, but not fucking enough. Too much is missed, the subtle nuances of personal interchange, it aint here. I want it to be and I try hard, but it isn't. We all want it to be, but it isn't. You can get so frustratingly close you want to scream but you can't touch, feel, see, you god damn can't. And when someone is hurting, you can only help so much, not enough, and why should they believe you, it's only fucking words. How can you compete with someone who can see you, touch you, hold you, fuck, you can't.

You ever feel that? Like you can't get close enough, you want to but you can't, whether it be friend or lover?

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I'm hiding from. You ever wonder that? Don't get me wrong, I love knowing you, loving you, all of you, I do, I so fucking do, you are so much of my life, probably too much, but fuck that, I wouldn't change it, and won't.

I just seem to keep finding and loving what I can't have. Go figure.