I've needed a boost

lately, and to those of you whom have rocketed me back to where I need to be, I thank you. You know who you are and how you did it. I don't know if I can repay you in full but I'll just about die trying and promise to be there for whatever you need. I still feel uneasy about introducing this subject and there were those who convinced me that there is no way I can understand the dynamics of abuse. You're right, I can't and don't. I had no intention of grandstanding. But I had signs. Last Sunday, in my city, Indianapolis, I stumbled upon a domestic violence rally, purely by chance. The next day I picked up the local independent newspaper, you know the free kind with the kinky personal ads? Front page, feature story, you guessed it. The next night, an IM from someone I care about who said she "deserved" it. I did not acquiesce to her point of view. She is not happy with me right now but we'll get through it, won't we? We will because she is one of those above and I help boost her sometimes too.

Then some posts here, not all this week, but over time, more and more recently it seems. From some of you I feel very close to.

There ya go. Signs. And I still have doubts because yes, I am unqualified and untrained and I would never want to make anyone's situation worse and I admit it is a phenomenon I don't understand and no, I can't imagine what it's like in your shoes. But it's too late, it's out there now and even if we only dialogued, got angry, that's one of the reasons we're here, right?

Like I've ever worried about pissing you off before? Plus I have a reputation for provocation to uphold. But who loves ya baby, huh, who does? And it's not just because you love me back, really it's not, that is just a huge bonus.

So I am going to have some house guests this weekend and haven't ruled out a road trip of some sort and I want to swim naked and imbibe and laugh and laugh some more and get off this emotional roller coaster and growl and howl and kiss my perfect grand daughters and do the things I know how to do that makes them smile and squeal and then go kiss somebody elses grand daughters and see if I can find the things that make them smile and squeal too.

And you do the same, you do the same lovers and friends. I tell you I get email on my phone now? So no matter where or when, you need a touch, come touch, need a reach , come reach. you need to hear a voice, I'm not shy about the number.

I owe you all. You have no idea.

Fuck, I almost used the "N" word. The one that rhymes with treed, greed, and seed.

Whew, that was close.