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Yesterday was grand daughter number one's third birthday party.

I knew this before but I felt again today.

It bugs me to see my daughter's in laws fawn all over the girls.

Isn't that selfish and terrible?

Shoot me, what can I say.

No, really, they are lucky to have all that love.

These folks are very traditional.

Very.

Not like me.

Definitely not bloggers.

Definitely not.

But they are nice to me, not like they look down on me.

Even though they know I'm different.

Than they are.

And I think are a little intimidated.

Because they don't know exactly how to relate to me.


X1 was there, which is cool.

Divorced over 20 years, nothing bad left, she's been a good mother

to my daughters.

That's worth a lot.

You'd think we'd be fuck buddys

but we aren't.

Living 10 minutes from each other.

Sex isn't her thing, she gave it up years ago, sad, huh?

She is still very attractive, like I said, sad.

Strange to be friends and not feel that first twinge of desire

after 18 years of having sex.

Strange. But it's OK. It works.

And it's good for my daughters, and the babies.

So, whatever.


Here is what I know.

I've been alone for a decade

and I've had relationships

and I've "dated around"

whatever the fuck that means.

And I've been less "active"

whatever the fuck that means.

The past three years.

And I'm very independent.

I wallow in that.

I've made sacrifices in love for my kids.

Not brought women around.

Especially to events like yesterday.

Maintaining the equilibrium

So as not to upset the applecart.

I've let a couple of good women pass by

Because they had young children

and I didn't want to upset the applecart.

I think I've brought a woman around my family

Maybe ten times

In ten years.


But

I've learned this year

that I need to be in love.

Not just lust

Love.

I know how to love.

I do.

I'm not emotionally handicapped.

I'm not afraid of love.

I love how it feels

to be in love.

My friend said if I wait a few more years

I'll be in assisted living and the women

will already be tied to the bed for me.

Cause I'm 56 years old you know.

See, I said that outloud.

Amazing how long it took me to own up to that here.

But I have these spots showing up on my hands.

And my face is creaked and lined

and my eyes are old.

Age matters less here.

Lucky for me.

Because my words are young.

And my heart is only six years old.

And I have a skip to my step

and I'm quite agile

and I can keep up with you.


I've said here before,

I want to do it right once.

Just once more.

Because if I do it right

that's all there will be, right?

Once more with love.

And everyone in my life is just going

to have to deal with that.