Keeping an eye out........

Back where it all began.

I don't know if my life has come full circle or if it has been shot out of a cannon which I guess if shot hard enough would put it in orbit or at least a full oval.

The words used to come so easy here, they'd swirl and flow and crash with all the momentum of a flash flood smashing off the walls of a narrow canyon. Changing the shape of everything in their path, sometimes ever so slowly, sometimes with a startling abruptness.

We ask each other, where do we think we would be were we not where we are? Impossible to answer of course but interesting to speculate. I think we usually decide that we would still be very close to where we once were. Maybe, maybe not, no way of knowing. Each of us maintaining our own inertia unaware that an outside influence was about to upend all that we awakened to each morning.

Enough of that.

I don't know why I came back over here, I suppose it comes from a rare check of my stat counter and seeing that a precious few still drop in on occasion. That plus some feeling of exposure at the "new" haunt that renders me less than forthright. Although in fact there are other issues that render me less than forthright. The early anonymity we all cloaked ourselves in was liberating wasn't it? I think, actually I know, that was a strong attraction to this venue in the first place. That place to put out there what we kept to ourselves in our "real" lives.

For me, and for several others I know, blogging became the new real life.

So yeah, my life now is the merging of the old real into the new real and it's been about as real as it can get the past three years or so. I'm back in the home that was once my reality and is now a very much shared reality. I didn't begin blogging here but it was only about four months after my start that I posted about moving into this place.

Little did I know.

It's been far from easy. For those of you who are contemplating, or in the beginning or middle of turning a dream into your new reality let me tell you, it takes a willingness to make sacrifices way outside your comfort zones. Difficult, agonizing decisions, family sacrifices, financial sacrifices for sure, career, legal, on and on.

And because of what sacrifices are required it takes longer than you imagined in the beginning of the process. Related of course to just how much has to be overcome to get where you want to be. But it doesn't seem that one sees many examples of two single, available, able, accessible and ready individuals who just say yup, let's do it, hire the movers and get on with it.

Those occurrences must come from match.com or eharmony. Yay for them but it doesn't make for a very exciting or dramatic story and I even wonder if those bonds adhere like the one that comes from a long, difficult, arduous journey, the kind that when you finally arrive at your destination you just sit back all wildly wide eyed and sigh out a holy shit, if we knew it would be this long and hard would we have even taken it on?

Yes we would have, because the ultimate rewards have proven to be what we always thought they could be, would be. All that and more. And the trip to get "home"? A never ending source of conversation and wonder and amazement. The bad, hardest, most discouraging parts worn like battle scars of the wounds you incurred in each battle along the way and that you are proud to have endured and survived.

And the good parts, the sweet parts, turn that bond into the ultimate commitment. The one just about all of us have always wanted. And you don't let very many days go by without reminding yourself and each other how very fortunate you are to live it and how not cherishing and nourishing it would be the ultimate betrayal to another and to one's self.

It's like this Eva Longoria thing. Supposedly her star athlete husband has not consummated a physical relationship with the woman with whom he exchanged hundreds of texts of a sexual nature. It's still ruined isn't it? And she knows it, and I don't think she cares whether he hit it or not, it's no longer good enough. It's been spoiled, it can't be undone and it can't ever be the same again, that's why she went straight to filing for divorce, immediately, did not pass go. So did Brent Barry, the wronged husband of the other woman. Done, over, I don't care whether you fucked him or not. You can always do more, better, you can never, ever, undo anything.

Keeping it takes just as much care and attention and effort and is just as, if not even more important than all that it took to get to it.