I really don't want to work

Not just today, I don't want to work at all. I feel guilty about my lack of ambition and I miss the fire and the thrill of the deal and I miss managing people. But I don't miss it bad enough to get all hungry and ambitious. I don't need to. I'm just at a different place now. Other things are more important to me. Things that really aren't that important on the world hunger scale but that are important to me nonetheless. I did love it though, there was a time when I lived for it. I loved business travel and I miss that too. There is something about setting out with a mission or a goal and immersing yourself in the sea of people who are there everyday in the airports, on the shuttle buses, at the rental car and ticket counters, waiting at the gates, boarding and landing hundreds of miles away in just a couple of hours. There is a rhythm to it. It is not like vacation travel or travel for pleasure. Business travelers tend to be impatient with the rookies because they know how to do it and want it to go a certain way. I did the bulk of my business travel before causual attire came into vogue. It was suit and tie and a briefcase. Leather ones, the soft ones weren't around much yet. It felt good. I felt important. I was always on the procurement side so people made me feel important. Cause I had something they wanted. I got to eat in the nicest restaurants, drink in wonderful bars, tell and listen to stories. I got to see my name on welcome boards in lobbies and to stand up front of conference rooms and make presentations to the officers of the company. It was heady. Yeah, I miss it.

But I don't want it anymore. This is fine. Overpaid and underworked. All I have to do is make this place money and I can do that with minimal effort and still find time to blog and email and let my mind wander. And every once in awhile I close a big tough one, one of the fist pumpers, and it all comes back to me.

But then the day ends and I love the feeling of going home and I wake up and wish I didn't have to come back here and I really don't want to work anymore.

I got important stuff to do.