New Moon at the Turn

The moon's unilluminated side is facing the earth, therefore it's not visible. I prefer my moon blue but if she needs to turn her back on us ocassionally, so be it. Summer solstice, full moon, new moon and the mid year turn of the mid year of the decade. In less than 95 years it's Y3K. There are those alive today who will be there, ponder that one as you search for your identity.

That was a set up as you may have surmised, the lunar tempus sure does fugit references.

So why wouldn't so many be at the turn. Maybe it's a coincedence, I really don't care, it just is. Really, it is, check it out. Leave the job, take the job, move, don't move, love them, leave them, keep them, cast them aside, long for them, run from them, get over them, or don't.

I'm doing a personal poll, give me a second.

I found a couple who aren't at the turn, crossroads, call it what you will. Embracing a defining moment. That sounds sufficiently heady don't you think? Of course they could be hiding something and are right there peeking around the corner with the rest of us.

I hate when I make a reference to this, but when I was staring down the big sleep and all of life for me became as simple as will this stuff disolve the clot, and we were all there waiting to see what the outcome was going to be, busy doing nothing but calling out numbers, don't do that by the way, you think I don't know what they mean, waiting, and I don't remember making any promises, I don't, no why me's, fuck I knew why me, live fast die young I knew.

Poof, it worked. You have my eternal gratitude TPA or whatever it was that was the draino that unclogged me.

Enough of that, I never want sympathy, never have, and I'm not a person of great sympathy. I find sympathy to be not worth much as emotional support goes. Who really wants to be felt sorry for anyway? I don't.

Tie it together Edge, I'm lost, what happened to the moon and the turn, turn, turn thing? Gotcha.

In my life defining moment something happened to me and I have never even tried to explain it, I do not need to explain it, but it was the ultimate rounding of the bend for me, my turn, and I no longer needed to hide my illuminated side, to hide my anger, my lies, my need to run you over, take from you, eat your meat and leave the bones. Why do you think I'm alone? I drove them all away.

But it left. Nearly all gone. What is worthy of my rage? Very little. War, famine, don't fuck with the kids, quit fucking hurting people godammit, and asshole politicians (oxymoron).

Well something had to fill that void you say. That took up a whole lotta space, all that toxic shit you expelled. Is it empty now?

To some degree, yes, it is. There is room now.

I rarely feel sorry for any you. Kat, I feel sorry for you and your sick child, it's not that I'm incapable of sympathy but it brings very little to any given situation.

But what I got, that I never had before, got in spades, to the point it's sometimes overwhelming to me and I can't let it go, what I was given to replace the poison, was empathy.

I can feel people like I never could before. I can put myself in your place, get inside your soul, and even when I try not to, I still do. It can be a burden, I often lose myself in it. Maybe I have less pain of my own so I can feel some of yours. If you break my heart I usually tell you. Several of you have. I can't fix it for you but that doesn't stop me from wanting to.

I like to think it's as simple as allowing my illumination to get through, that it was there but not shining, dulled by the new moon me, I had just turned my back on it.

Those of you at the turn, I don't feel sorry for you. You own your life and it's course, take hold.

But god damn I feel you.